Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
