Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
