Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
