Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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