I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
