we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
