i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
