FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
where are my eyebrows?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
