last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
