He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
