Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
