There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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