My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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