I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
nutella sex= disaster
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
