You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
