I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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