Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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