I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
