Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
