I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
