Welp...herpes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
