yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
