he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
