Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
