you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
