apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize