this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
