I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
