guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We are all done wearing pants today
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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