Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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