You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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