I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My balls are so social today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
