Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
