last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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