so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize