I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
