goodnight i made you a song goodbye
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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