You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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