i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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