If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
