can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
