Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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