When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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