And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
