Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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