wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
