I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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