Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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