haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
