i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
