what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize