What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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