How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cannot find my penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Are my feet made of real feet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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