DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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