Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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