I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
