you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
