Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
