I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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