the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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