Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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