Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
