yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
