You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
