apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
