my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
