suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
