Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
