No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
