too bad you live with your parents still
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
