I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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