I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
