The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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