I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
