You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
