it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
