I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
