Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
