Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
