Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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