Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
