Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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