do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This house was built for laser tag.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
