I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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