Plan B is the new Plan A
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
