i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize