but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
