On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
