hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
