LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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