so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After tacos, we're chasing women.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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