Jerry, you need to find god
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
