We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
