are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize