i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
