I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is the high leading the old right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize