My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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