I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize