Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
