I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize