i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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