yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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