We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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