you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
