Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
