Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
