Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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