More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
