And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
