btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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