Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
