"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
