You're so nebulous sometimes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
