Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
