bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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