would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize